polizei | perma-anon post

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perma-anon post

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you want to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything.

Post anonymously [by selecting the anonymous box]. Speak honestly. Post as many times as you like. One faceless wonder to another. You don't have to be on my friends list. You can just be stopping through. It doesn't matter.

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As obvious as I'm going to be, I'm going anon just because I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I hated you. I've probably said "No, I don't hate you" a million times, but I hated you. Yes, that's past tense. I don't hate you anymore. I'm one of those people who believe that hatred can't last forever if you have gotten to know a person and are willing to grow up and let the past be the past. The truth of the matter is though, that it's tough. It's always been tough, and all someone needs is that one little thing to remind them of how petty and stupid they can really be.

So, I'm going to say the one thing that will hopefully, let me get over this and the entire goddamn past once and for all. I'm sorry for being a petty dickbag.

I'm not saying you haven't done or said anything wrong to me, because you have. That's behind us, and I don't feel like bringing up what you've done because that's not what this is about. It's about the fact that even though we're cool, I'm still a petty and ridiculous person and I don't like it anymore. We've both moved on. We've both had legions of people come and go. I don't want to speak for you because you hate that, but you seem glad that I'm willing to chat with you about fandom and stuff every so often. All of the problems right now are on me, and there are probably going to be more as a result of this, so once again, as I said at the beginning, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I don't dislike you. Honestly. You're a hilarious person and while I don't think things will ever go back to the way they were (and to be honest, maybe that's for the best considering we both know I don't have the strength to RP over AIM all day anymore haha), I still think we can be good friends. I just need to make the effort. That's right. I need to. Considering I'm the one thinking about this and everything that went wrong between us happened because I opened my mouth first and did stupid and irrational things impulsively. Well, with help. The thing is, I'm on my own now. No one else inspired me to do this, you didn't inspire me to do this, this is all a conscious effort to say I'm sorry for everything I did to wrong you, and I want to know how your cats are but I don't know how to ask.

I should probably sleep. Sorry for this too.

my fat cat, the black one? she's been okay lately. her same old self. recently we took in my neighbours cat from outside- we call her gingy, but her full name is king richard because i'm a loser. anyway. kitty didn't like her, especially when we found out she (gingy) was pregnant! but the other day while gingy was laying with me, kitty came and laid with us too. i don't hear them hissing at each other anymore. it's nice. i remember when that used to be kitty when she was small- our other cat would be so mean to her. i'm glad she's growing out of it too.

i don't know if you're on my plurk or not. i think you are. or at least were at some time. so i'm giving you the whole song and dance, so bear with me here haha.

gingy is lovely. it really helps every day just waking up to a little orange fluffball crawling on my face and meowing. or going downstairs and having her meow at me and run upstairs. it feels weird, but, it's nice to have the company. i really need it right now.

felikz, my derpy other stray cat with the dumb heart patch of fur near his butt- i think he was who you meant to ask about. but i'm not sure. anyway- he got in a fight with another cat(?) lately and got a real bad wound on his paw. he limped around for a few days (because felikz don't give a fuck) but we finally got him some help. he had to get stitched and he has a silly conehead and he's miserable and i took a picture and it's on plurk if you know my plurk and want to see it. he'll be getting the cone and cast off sunday, but he can't go outside for a bit. woe for him!

tl;dr about cats aside. i think you know my plurk, e-mail, and AIM, but just in case, i'll put them here:

sakugarne
exec.ashes@gmail.com
humanedfailure

if you're okay with it, you can talk to me on any of those outlets. or we can still talk here. hopefully you have this tagged, because i'd like you to see i replied.

it's okay. everything you wrote is okay. so let's talk, alright? (i didn't want to write okay again)

I saw this and I thought of you.

It's very pretty, even though I'm sure you're already aware of this flower.

it's so lovely! you didn't have to be anon to send me this! ♥

i'm flattered something so lovely reminds you of me fdgdgdfg the texture looks almost velveteen.

Shhh secret admirer

o-oh anon........

I wanna be your anonymous guardian angel

Can I be that

IS THIS BEN

nope

would you tell me the truth if i guessed right anyway....

lol nope

Forever anon.

DOUBLE ROSE

what a lovely freak of nature

I found your outburst on plurk a couple of days ago hurtful and insulting. I'm usually accepting of your behavior -- I try to understand your depression and I know that despite your moments you are a remarkable person and can come through as a friend when people need you to. But you're also very hypocritical and selfish.

I know that it doesn't feel so great when people are talking about all the fun things happenings in their games and museboxes instead of tagging with you. But. You do the exact same thing to other people. I don't mind waiting for tags from you, or waiting for you to even look my way, in fact, but don't have to gall to complain about people doing to you what you do to others all the time. Somedays it feels like your flavor of the week people are the only ones you care about giving even a little attention.

It hurts, right? You have no right to compare not being tagged or IM'd to "abusive ~~friendlationships~~ friendships" when you perpetuate the exact same behavior. What do you want from this friendship? I'm I just a +1 to your plurklist? This is about more than just RP, this is about how you treat people; I adore you but you need to learn to treat people how you want to be treated.

i apologize for the whiny crybaby avatar- it was either this or one with a butt in it so i chose this one.

if you'd feel more comfortable not being my friend or on my plurk, you can defriend me, since i seem to make you so angry with my behaviour. i know this seems like a stupid response to those three paragraphs. i wont bother explaining why i act how i do because it'll just look like a bunch of excuses, so tl;dr - if i make you angry enough that you had to reply to me anonymously for this, please go ahead and defriend me. i don't want to make you this angry.

This is the biggest problem I have with you, that you would rather cut problems (and people) out than try to solve things. I know I'm anonymous and assuming you don't know who I am, but I thought we were friends, which is why I even bothered to make that comment. Why are you always so demanding of other people yet so unwilling to give even a fraction of it back, or give them the same allowances your give yourself? Why is it so difficult for you to try to understand that other people can feel the way you do? Or to just apologize? Or...anything, anything but run away! I guess I was always disposable to you...I'm sorry I ever bothered to try...

i'm sorry; i don't know what to say or do- the fact you're anonymous scares me because it makes me think you think i'll hold a grudge on you for talking to me face to face. that you think i'm such a horrid sort of person- then i wonder what i've done to make you think that. i think i know who you are, which makes me think that i haven't tagged you for the past week in the one or two tags we have, which makes me think i've been really rude to you, and that i don't deserve to have you as a friend- that you should have fun with the people who tag you more diligently.

this is how my depression is. it messes with my mentality, and in turn i mess things up verbally because i'm not good with my words, and because my feelings are on a roller coaster that makes no semblance of sense.

i didn't offer to let you defriend me because i hate you or think you're nothing to me, i did it because i don't know how to make you happy with the place i'm in right now- i can barely keep myself happy for five minutes before something minuscule sets me off into this depressing self-deprecating mindset.

currently all my tags in my inbox, which are game tags, are done, and i've been keeping on top of them for the past few days, which gives me a good idea of who you might be since the past few days on plurk we haven't been seeing eye-to-eye on certain things, and i made you misinterpret something. normally you (if i'm guessing correctly) IM me when you have a problem with something i've done, which my mentality is also turning into 'you hate me' which also makes my instincts lean towards 'stop being horrible to them, they don't deserve this, let them get away from you.'

something i'm sure of is that i'm always apologizing. i know what much. i apologize so often for things i've gotten yelled at for it before online and off. i'm sorry i am like this and i'm sorry i don't know how to change myself permanently.

i will say i don't appreciate that last sentence though. its meant to get a guilty reaction out of me, and i already feel horrible enough that i've made you this upset.

if you actually want to still be friends with me, i'd rather we talk about this 'face to face'. but since you sent me an anonymous comment i assumed otherwise, and offered you the chance to just defriend me and not have to bother with me any longer.

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday! I hope life is treating you well, and I hope you'll have a happy year to come.

Oh right this is flower-anon from before.

Have a picture of a vase of flowers since I can't send you real ones!:

dfsd thank you anon ;A ;

WHY ARE YOU ANON, ANON.......

OTHER ANON, THANK YOU! gdfghdfhgfjgf

aaa why is everyone anons sob ;; but thank you so so much.

No problem!

Because.

Anon because thug lyfe!!

Here have another pretty picture.

hi how are you ovo

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