i'm sorry; i don't know what to say or do- the fact you're anonymous scares me because it makes me think you think i'll hold a grudge on you for talking to me face to face. that you think i'm such a horrid sort of person- then i wonder what i've done to make you think that. i think i know who you are, which makes me think that i haven't tagged you for the past week in the one or two tags we have, which makes me think i've been really rude to you, and that i don't deserve to have you as a friend- that you should have fun with the people who tag you more diligently.
this is how my depression is. it messes with my mentality, and in turn i mess things up verbally because i'm not good with my words, and because my feelings are on a roller coaster that makes no semblance of sense.
i didn't offer to let you defriend me because i hate you or think you're nothing to me, i did it because i don't know how to make you happy with the place i'm in right now- i can barely keep myself happy for five minutes before something minuscule sets me off into this depressing self-deprecating mindset.
currently all my tags in my inbox, which are game tags, are done, and i've been keeping on top of them for the past few days, which gives me a good idea of who you might be since the past few days on plurk we haven't been seeing eye-to-eye on certain things, and i made you misinterpret something. normally you (if i'm guessing correctly) IM me when you have a problem with something i've done, which my mentality is also turning into 'you hate me' which also makes my instincts lean towards 'stop being horrible to them, they don't deserve this, let them get away from you.'
something i'm sure of is that i'm always apologizing. i know what much. i apologize so often for things i've gotten yelled at for it before online and off. i'm sorry i am like this and i'm sorry i don't know how to change myself permanently.
i will say i don't appreciate that last sentence though. its meant to get a guilty reaction out of me, and i already feel horrible enough that i've made you this upset.
if you actually want to still be friends with me, i'd rather we talk about this 'face to face'. but since you sent me an anonymous comment i assumed otherwise, and offered you the chance to just defriend me and not have to bother with me any longer.
no subject
this is how my depression is. it messes with my mentality, and in turn i mess things up verbally because i'm not good with my words, and because my feelings are on a roller coaster that makes no semblance of sense.
i didn't offer to let you defriend me because i hate you or think you're nothing to me, i did it because i don't know how to make you happy with the place i'm in right now- i can barely keep myself happy for five minutes before something minuscule sets me off into this depressing self-deprecating mindset.
currently all my tags in my inbox, which are game tags, are done, and i've been keeping on top of them for the past few days, which gives me a good idea of who you might be since the past few days on plurk we haven't been seeing eye-to-eye on certain things, and i made you misinterpret something. normally you (if i'm guessing correctly) IM me when you have a problem with something i've done, which my mentality is also turning into 'you hate me' which also makes my instincts lean towards 'stop being horrible to them, they don't deserve this, let them get away from you.'
something i'm sure of is that i'm always apologizing. i know what much. i apologize so often for things i've gotten yelled at for it before online and off. i'm sorry i am like this and i'm sorry i don't know how to change myself permanently.
i will say i don't appreciate that last sentence though. its meant to get a guilty reaction out of me, and i already feel horrible enough that i've made you this upset.
if you actually want to still be friends with me, i'd rather we talk about this 'face to face'. but since you sent me an anonymous comment i assumed otherwise, and offered you the chance to just defriend me and not have to bother with me any longer.