perma-anon post

[polizei]

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you want to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything.

Post anonymously [by selecting the anonymous box]. Speak honestly. Post as many times as you like. One faceless wonder to another. You don't have to be on my friends list. You can just be stopping through. It doesn't matter.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

As obvious as I'm going to be, I'm going anon just because I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I hated you. I've probably said "No, I don't hate you" a million times, but I hated you. Yes, that's past tense. I don't hate you anymore. I'm one of those people who believe that hatred can't last forever if you have gotten to know a person and are willing to grow up and let the past be the past. The truth of the matter is though, that it's tough. It's always been tough, and all someone needs is that one little thing to remind them of how petty and stupid they can really be.

So, I'm going to say the one thing that will hopefully, let me get over this and the entire goddamn past once and for all. I'm sorry for being a petty dickbag.

I'm not saying you haven't done or said anything wrong to me, because you have. That's behind us, and I don't feel like bringing up what you've done because that's not what this is about. It's about the fact that even though we're cool, I'm still a petty and ridiculous person and I don't like it anymore. We've both moved on. We've both had legions of people come and go. I don't want to speak for you because you hate that, but you seem glad that I'm willing to chat with you about fandom and stuff every so often. All of the problems right now are on me, and there are probably going to be more as a result of this, so once again, as I said at the beginning, I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I don't dislike you. Honestly. You're a hilarious person and while I don't think things will ever go back to the way they were (and to be honest, maybe that's for the best considering we both know I don't have the strength to RP over AIM all day anymore haha), I still think we can be good friends. I just need to make the effort. That's right. I need to. Considering I'm the one thinking about this and everything that went wrong between us happened because I opened my mouth first and did stupid and irrational things impulsively. Well, with help. The thing is, I'm on my own now. No one else inspired me to do this, you didn't inspire me to do this, this is all a conscious effort to say I'm sorry for everything I did to wrong you, and I want to know how your cats are but I don't know how to ask.

I should probably sleep. Sorry for this too.

[polizei]

my fat cat, the black one? she's been okay lately. her same old self. recently we took in my neighbours cat from outside- we call her gingy, but her full name is king richard because i'm a loser. anyway. kitty didn't like her, especially when we found out she (gingy) was pregnant! but the other day while gingy was laying with me, kitty came and laid with us too. i don't hear them hissing at each other anymore. it's nice. i remember when that used to be kitty when she was small- our other cat would be so mean to her. i'm glad she's growing out of it too.

i don't know if you're on my plurk or not. i think you are. or at least were at some time. so i'm giving you the whole song and dance, so bear with me here haha.

gingy is lovely. it really helps every day just waking up to a little orange fluffball crawling on my face and meowing. or going downstairs and having her meow at me and run upstairs. it feels weird, but, it's nice to have the company. i really need it right now.

felikz, my derpy other stray cat with the dumb heart patch of fur near his butt- i think he was who you meant to ask about. but i'm not sure. anyway- he got in a fight with another cat(?) lately and got a real bad wound on his paw. he limped around for a few days (because felikz don't give a fuck) but we finally got him some help. he had to get stitched and he has a silly conehead and he's miserable and i took a picture and it's on plurk if you know my plurk and want to see it. he'll be getting the cone and cast off sunday, but he can't go outside for a bit. woe for him!

tl;dr about cats aside. i think you know my plurk, e-mail, and AIM, but just in case, i'll put them here:

sakugarne
exec.ashes@gmail.com
humanedfailure

if you're okay with it, you can talk to me on any of those outlets. or we can still talk here. hopefully you have this tagged, because i'd like you to see i replied.

it's okay. everything you wrote is okay. so let's talk, alright? (i didn't want to write okay again)

http://imgur.com/gallery/TQapK

[(Anonymous)]

I saw this and I thought of you.

It's very pretty, even though I'm sure you're already aware of this flower.

[polizei]

it's so lovely! you didn't have to be anon to send me this! ♥

i'm flattered something so lovely reminds you of me fdgdgdfg the texture looks almost velveteen.

[(Anonymous)]

I found your outburst on plurk a couple of days ago hurtful and insulting. I'm usually accepting of your behavior -- I try to understand your depression and I know that despite your moments you are a remarkable person and can come through as a friend when people need you to. But you're also very hypocritical and selfish.

I know that it doesn't feel so great when people are talking about all the fun things happenings in their games and museboxes instead of tagging with you. But. You do the exact same thing to other people. I don't mind waiting for tags from you, or waiting for you to even look my way, in fact, but don't have to gall to complain about people doing to you what you do to others all the time. Somedays it feels like your flavor of the week people are the only ones you care about giving even a little attention.

It hurts, right? You have no right to compare not being tagged or IM'd to "abusive friendlationships friendships" when you perpetuate the exact same behavior. What do you want from this friendship? I'm I just a +1 to your plurklist? This is about more than just RP, this is about how you treat people; I adore you but you need to learn to treat people how you want to be treated.

[polizei]

i apologize for the whiny crybaby avatar- it was either this or one with a butt in it so i chose this one.

if you'd feel more comfortable not being my friend or on my plurk, you can defriend me, since i seem to make you so angry with my behaviour. i know this seems like a stupid response to those three paragraphs. i wont bother explaining why i act how i do because it'll just look like a bunch of excuses, so tl;dr - if i make you angry enough that you had to reply to me anonymously for this, please go ahead and defriend me. i don't want to make you this angry.

[(Anonymous)]

Happy Birthday!

[polizei]

dfsd thank you anon ;A ;

WHY ARE YOU ANON, ANON.......

[(Anonymous)]

Happy birthday! I hope life is treating you well, and I hope you'll have a happy year to come.

sa

[(Anonymous)]

Oh right this is flower-anon from before.

Have a picture of a vase of flowers since I can't send you real ones!:

[(Anonymous)]

hi how are you ovo

[polizei]

hello anon! i'm okay. just quite tired from work, i just got home.

how are you.

[(Anonymous)]

HEY UH. weird anon again. hi.

so. basically i've been feeling pretty weird because i wasn't really sure how to handle this but uh.

idk. so. i was wondering if we could maybe be friends again? i'd understand if you didn't wanna be friends again, especially with how i handled the situation, but... yeah. i figured i'd give it a shot and ask, idk. you can just delete this comment and ignore it if you want to! i was just kind of wondering about it, and it's been bothering me the for the past week or so.

yeah.

[polizei]

send me a friend request on plurk, or IM me, anon?

[(Anonymous)]

http://i.imgur.com/0wB55.png

[polizei]

i approve

unless you wish to weed out my own spine. then i am rather sad.

[(Anonymous)]

honk.

HONK.

honk.

HONK.

honk.

HONK.

:o)

[stitchedsmile]

[(Anonymous)]

I saw this but wasn't going to mention any of this to you, but a legit problem came up that your potential canonmates might have, so I'm giving you the link.

http://wankgate.dreamwidth.org/3566.html?thread=7388142#cmt7388142

delete it after if you want, i only thought you should know

[manmaid]

ahhh jeez. thanks anon, it was nice of you to send it my way. ;;

[(Anonymous)]

http://i.imgur.com/5JiJ8.jpg Happy Halloween! May your streets be paved with gourd...

[polizei]

a-aaa anon thank you...!

that is the cutest arrangement ever.

[(Anonymous)]

okay, so, I've run through a few different ways of phrasing this in my head when I was trying to decide if I wanted to post this at all, and it really never turned out the way that I wanted it to, so I'm just going to go ahead and write this out and hope you don't think it's too weird or rambling and creeper-ish--

basically my first question is, did you go through your plurklist a while back and just...clean a lot of people out, unless you were still actively friends with them or some other criteria? I kind of disappeared a while back, and ended up missing pretty much everything from the past year or so, and...obviously I completely understand if you de-added me for simply not being there, because my plurk was basically a waste of space at that point - and even if that wasn't the reason then I would understand that, too, because obviously you've got to do whatever makes you the most comfortable. but - it still kind of hurt, to come back and see that I'd been cut, when I noticed it, and it made me wonder if there was something specific I did back then that made you delete me or not.

and if that did happen, then that's fine, there's no hard feelings, and I'm really sorry for whatever it was I did to upset you, or if it was even just a matter of being connected with people you didn't want to associate with anymore. either way, I wouldn't ask you to re-add me or anything if you didn't want to, because like I said, I was gone for a really long time and I'm not sure if we even play from the same fandom anymore. and it's not like we were super-close or anything back then - I'm not positive that you'd even remember me at this point, which makes this so much weirder, and if you were one of the others I'd known at the time then maybe I wouldn't bother doing this - but I'm still kind of, stupidly irrationally anxious about it, a little, because (and this probably sounds weird, and isn't really any of my business at all) around the time I disappeared, you seemed like you were really in a bad place and just having a hard time in general whenever we talked - and I always sort of wondered at the back of my head, if you've been doing okay since then.

obviously I've got no right to be worried when I was the one who wasn't around and didn't do anything to reach out and maybe try to figure out if your situation was better, but still, whatever happens I do sincerely hope that things have improved for you, and that you've been happier since the time we were friends ♥

oh my god why is this post so long AS IF THIS WASN'T WEIRD ENOUGH ALREADY; you really don't have to respond at all to this, seriously

[polizei]

if i've defriended people on plurk its probably because they haven't talked to me, so if you were one of the people who wasn't active on plurk for whatever reason then i probably defriended you just for that reason.

there have been a lot of periods in my life where i've just had...horrible times with dealing with my bad feels. i don't know how long ago we'd been friended or anything, but if you say i was going through a bad time back then, i used to do plurk cuts a lot because i thought people didn't really... want anything to do with me if they didn't talk to me. kind of my way of 'protecting' my feelings.

either way, if you're back now, and want to give things another go, just send me a friend request, anon ♥ i'm more than open to the idea.

[(Anonymous)]

Hi. I used to be on your LJ f-list probably about 4-5 years ago, and was one of those people who got cut from it because we didn't talk a whole lot and pretty much just drifted apart and went our own ways.

Just earlier tonight, I saw your name on a reserves list for an RP that I've reserved at as well, and thought to myself, "huh, I haven't talked to them in how long now? I should go say hi". You know, kind of like how you sometimes run into former classmates or coworkers and decide to stop and chat for a few minutes.

I'm sorry for having drifted away like I did, and do kind of miss you despite how little we did actually talk to each other. But, it's been a good few years now and we probably have even fewer things in common that we could talk about now than we did before—I think it's just the aforementioned RP and a certain few game series that I can't really name without the possibility of making myself obvious—so if we did try to reconnect, I'm afraid that there's a good chance that we'd just drift again.

If you don't want to take that chance, it's fine, I'm not expecting you to. I just swung by to say hello after all, and I hope you're doing well.

[polizei]

lets try, anon. add me to plurk/hit me up on AIM whenever you'd like.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, Tangz! How's life treating you?

[polizei]

pretty okay ♥ ups and downs, but i'm pretty happy.

how are you anon? how are things? you don't have to be anon to ask me how i am...!

[(Anonymous)]

I feel like you don't like me anymore. It's been this way for a long time.

[polizei]

i cant really offer any 'this is why' since i don't know who you are. if you feel comfortable coming toward me, maybe we can talk things out, if not, you can always talk really vaguely here instead?

i'd like to hope we can work things out.

[(Anonymous)]

i am so incredibly grateful to have you in my life ♥ thanks for being a great friend!

[polizei]

a-aaa thank you, that makes me really. really happy!

[(Anonymous)]

wats up u meme loving fuck

[polizei]

u wanna' go

i'm sitting here and listening to gamegrumps halloween stuff while waiting for my mum to come home so i can carve like 50 pokemon pumpkins

[(Anonymous)]

ur so hot you look as good as pizza tastes

[polizei]

[(Anonymous)]

i have to poop but not yet so im just sitting here uncomfortably :( halp

[polizei]

Shit My June Says

[(Anonymous)]

get dat ash some chuppa chups

ashes love chuppa chups

[polizei]

ive already eaten a bunch of them omg

i keep them in my purse...

[(Anonymous)]

such bike

many toronto

must see

wow

so tourist

[polizei]

its too cold to bike together or else i totally would with you omg

[(Anonymous)]

im on the right and ur on the left

[polizei]

omg so cute

[deilephila]

i'm gonna do a thing!

[deilephila]

WAIT i fucked up the thing

[(Anonymous)]

I wish we talked more. It feels like we could have been so much closer than we are now, if only we had before. But whenever I contact you, I never have anything to say to you. That is entirely 100% my fault, of course, I just. Do you ever get the feeling where you love a friend so much just for being them, and yet you can't click with them?

It doesn't help that I've been half dead to the world lately and opening myself up to be receptive or engaging to other people is like trying to open a soda can with numb hand after you've been laying on it half the night, but. I don't know.

I wish I could say like "yeah me and Tango, we're super close!" but we can't because I don't know how to reach anyone anymore.

That is possibly the dumbest thing I have ever written I apologise.

[polizei]

LETS FIX THIS. LETS DO IT. YOU AND ME.

i'm the worst at talking to people since i have nothing to ever say but; lets try it! i promise i'll work hard to at least make up for my lack of being interesting by finding things to talk about with you. i don't wand you to feel bad like the anon up above, i want to be good friends with everyone.

[(Anonymous)]

how do i become as creative as you i don't understand

[polizei]

t-that's a new one. thank you. /// i'm good at coming up with ideas but not so much with executing them!