perma-anon post

[polizei]

Leave me an anonymous comment pouring your heart out. Say anything. Tell me your stories, your secrets, those things no one ever asks but you want to tell. Tell me about your love, your hate, your indifference, your joy. Tell me about what's inside of you when you're reading through these entries on your friends list, and tell me why you continue to come back here. Tell me anything. Tell me what you really think of me or yourself. Anything.

Post anonymously [by selecting the anonymous box]. Speak honestly. Post as many times as you like. One faceless wonder to another. You don't have to be on my friends list. You can just be stopping through. It doesn't matter.

Comments

[polizei]

i apologize for the whiny crybaby avatar- it was either this or one with a butt in it so i chose this one.

if you'd feel more comfortable not being my friend or on my plurk, you can defriend me, since i seem to make you so angry with my behaviour. i know this seems like a stupid response to those three paragraphs. i wont bother explaining why i act how i do because it'll just look like a bunch of excuses, so tl;dr - if i make you angry enough that you had to reply to me anonymously for this, please go ahead and defriend me. i don't want to make you this angry.

[(Anonymous)]

This is the biggest problem I have with you, that you would rather cut problems (and people) out than try to solve things. I know I'm anonymous and assuming you don't know who I am, but I thought we were friends, which is why I even bothered to make that comment. Why are you always so demanding of other people yet so unwilling to give even a fraction of it back, or give them the same allowances your give yourself? Why is it so difficult for you to try to understand that other people can feel the way you do? Or to just apologize? Or...anything, anything but run away! I guess I was always disposable to you...I'm sorry I ever bothered to try...

[polizei]

i'm sorry; i don't know what to say or do- the fact you're anonymous scares me because it makes me think you think i'll hold a grudge on you for talking to me face to face. that you think i'm such a horrid sort of person- then i wonder what i've done to make you think that. i think i know who you are, which makes me think that i haven't tagged you for the past week in the one or two tags we have, which makes me think i've been really rude to you, and that i don't deserve to have you as a friend- that you should have fun with the people who tag you more diligently.

this is how my depression is. it messes with my mentality, and in turn i mess things up verbally because i'm not good with my words, and because my feelings are on a roller coaster that makes no semblance of sense.

i didn't offer to let you defriend me because i hate you or think you're nothing to me, i did it because i don't know how to make you happy with the place i'm in right now- i can barely keep myself happy for five minutes before something minuscule sets me off into this depressing self-deprecating mindset.

currently all my tags in my inbox, which are game tags, are done, and i've been keeping on top of them for the past few days, which gives me a good idea of who you might be since the past few days on plurk we haven't been seeing eye-to-eye on certain things, and i made you misinterpret something. normally you (if i'm guessing correctly) IM me when you have a problem with something i've done, which my mentality is also turning into 'you hate me' which also makes my instincts lean towards 'stop being horrible to them, they don't deserve this, let them get away from you.'

something i'm sure of is that i'm always apologizing. i know what much. i apologize so often for things i've gotten yelled at for it before online and off. i'm sorry i am like this and i'm sorry i don't know how to change myself permanently.

i will say i don't appreciate that last sentence though. its meant to get a guilty reaction out of me, and i already feel horrible enough that i've made you this upset.

if you actually want to still be friends with me, i'd rather we talk about this 'face to face'. but since you sent me an anonymous comment i assumed otherwise, and offered you the chance to just defriend me and not have to bother with me any longer.