.oo1 - thoughts on christmas

[polizei]

i guess this signals my final move over to DW right here- the first actual entry!! i'll work some more at making my journal more personalized later after i get out of this slump and start getting shit done again.

also i'll put this all under a cut since normally these sorts of things aren't what people want to hear during christmas time!!

to quote a favourite light novel series of mine...i really consider myself a "human failure". over the years i've become so detached from what it is to be called living that it worries me.

we wont get into everything else but today we'll get into christmas.

christmas doesn't have any magic to me. i'm not religious, and opening up presents lost it's wonder to me two years ago. some people might say it's just because i'm growing up, but even right now as i sit here with presents for myself downstairs i don't feel a single thing. there is nothing special about this day to me at all, and i don't like that.

i've never been close with my family, so seeing them later today as well doesn't really... inspire anything in me either.

i'll be opening up my camera later at moms and i'm thankful for that camera. i'm thankful for the money they spent on me. but i know when i open it up i wont feel anything either.

it's a little worrisome to me.

all i can hope is that, if my girlfriend and i can ever spend christmas together in the future, she can teach me what it's like to appreciate things again.

Comments

[grifstar]

If it makes you feel any better I've had no Christmases, Easters, Thanksgivings, and some of the most anti-climatic birthdays in probably over 5 years (if not longer). With the exception of getting some money and going somewhere nice for dinner or something. It's kinda sickeningly in a way and no wonder why I typically feel more depressed/moody around those times >>;

Oh how I wish I actually had friends that weren't like 5 states away or take a long drive to get to. Things might be happier orz.

/hugs anyway

[polizei]

that's horrid ;; yes i really wish people could go the extra mile... not get mad when you don't seem that excited about things for good reason.

i live in canada so i can't help ;~; i'm going to otakon though...

/HUGS

[grifstar]

I'm not religious in any since of the word (far far from it), but I do still like most of those holidays to some extent. Less for the whole "spending time with family" part of it (because I hardly get along with any of them but my brother and sister), but moreso for friends. They're fun, and when you're around people you want to be around, they're even funner. And I love doing little gift exchanges with people that actually know what to get for you, even if it's something completely dorkish. But I've had no money to do that anymore ;^;

But yes, commercialism has ruined so much of it. Just work in retail, you'll know how much of a bitch it is -_-


/cliiiiiiing, I don't even know if I'm gonna make it to a con this year... again. I have no one to go wiiith ;^;

[melancholymallo]

...I think that's okay, you know? With how commercialised and pumped-up Christmas has become over the years it's been sensationalised out of being a simple (if important for those of us who are Christian) holiday into this huge pivotal phenomenon. It's always displayed through the rose-tinted view that it's something special and magical and the most fun anyone could ever have ever, period. Sometimes I wish it were less of a big deal.

What I'm trying to say (but kind of failing to) is that it doesn't make you any less of a human not to be spouting Christmas cheer out of the wazoo. For some people it's just another day, and there's nothing wrong with that. You have other things that inspire you, after all (there should be a holiday all about flowers).

Nevertheless I hope you had a fun day. Happy (late) Christmas bb! <3

[polizei]

it's more of a "this is just another day" "oh, i got a lot of new things in one day as opposed to another day"

i want a flower day. nnghngnnhgnhngnh.

happy late christmas hun ;^;

[benamas]

why the christ isnt there a flower holiday

arbor day, fossil day, mountain day

even pascua florida is about the state of florida and not actual flowers

scream